Parenting Skills are the corner stone of building a wonderful parent-child relationship. For parenting tips, being consistent, praising when necessary,and holding your kids accountable are great tips to have as a parent. The most important parenting skill I’ve found is to let them follow their passions, do it their way and fail repeatedly till they get it right.
Parenting skills have a positive impact on children’s self-esteem, academic achievement, development and behavior. These parenting skills will deal with the challenges of raising children.
The ability to meet your child’s physical and emotional needs
Parental Emotional Regulation
Never Give Up
Ability to calm the child down
Having the endurance to sleep train your child
Being able to instill discipline in child
Physically nurturing and affectionate
Honesty and Transparency
Capacity to Let Go
Essential Parenting Skills – Experts Opinion
To get more valuable insight on Parenting Solutions, we reached out to some of the well respected parenting experts. We are really thankful to each of them for their well esteemed inputs. You can click on your favorite expert’s name to jump straight into their opinion about the topic.We were overwhelmed by the support that we received for our this experts round up. To keep the originality of the content, alterations were done at a very minimum on the inputs received. Personally thanking our experts who helped as in completing this monumental post.
Laurie Gray, President Socratic Parenting LLC. Author and Attorney.
Tarra Bates-Duford Ph.D., MFT, CRS, CMFSW, BCPC, CEO of Family Matters Counseling Group LLC.
Vanessa Whalen, LSCSW. Psychotherapist and Co-Founder Snappy Kids, LLC.
Carrie Krawiec. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
Cara Maksimow, LCSW, CPC, I am a Clinical Therapist, Coach, Presenter & Author.
Jesse McCarthy, An expert in child development and Parent Guidance.
Naphtali Roberts is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
Darby Fox, Child & Adolescent Family Therapist.
Stacy Haynes, Ed.D, LPC, ACS. CEO, Counseling Psychologist, Parenting Expert, Author and Radio Host.
Elisabeth Stitt. Joyful Parenting Coaching.
Nancy Shah, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist.
Laurie Gray, PresidentSocratic Parenting LLC . Author and attorney Laurie Gray has worked as a high school teacher and coach, a court-appointed guardian ad litem in child welfare cases, and a deputy prosecuting attorney
The top three parenting skills are:
1. Essential Parenting Skills – Discipline yourself and disciple your child.
Parents will never be more successful at disciplining their children than they are at disciplining themselves. Our goal for our children is for them to become self-disciplined and internally motivated adults. We must model that for them. Traditional training (both rewards and punishments) teaches reliance on external motivators and tends to disconnect children from the real satisfaction and natural consequences of their choices.
2. Essential Parenting Skills – Choose connection over control.
Too often parents treat their children as property, a pet or a prize. Children are people. Treating them with respect and human dignity not only encourages self-respect and dignity, but it also helps them learn to build healthy relationships and establish healthy boundaries for themselves. It is the foundation of a healthy parent-child relationship that will endure even after the child becomes an adult.
3. Essential Parenting Skills – Be yourself.
The best you can be is yourself, and the best you can do is your best. When we model this as parents, our children are then free to be themselves and become resilient enough to deal with the successes and failures that are bound to come their way.
Tarra Bates-Duford Ph.D., MFT, CRS, CMFSW, BCPC, CEO of Family Matters Counseling Group LLC. A Forensic Psychologist specializing in familial dysfunctions, a Marriage, Couples, & Family Therapist and a Certified Relationship Expert (American Psychotherapy Association #15221).
1. Developing, clarifying and maintaining clear communicative expectations.
Parents should focus more on teaching their child or children appropriate behaviors rather than focusing on misbehavior or undesired behaviors. Children gain most of their understanding and identification with language and actions by a process called modeling. Children model the behaviors of parents and other adults in their lives, so if a parent or another adult is speaking and behaving in a manner that is inappropriate, dysfunctional, or otherwise unacceptable the child is more likely to act out the same or similar behaviors. On the flipside if a parent models appropriate, respectful, and successful ways the child is more likely to emulate this as well.
2. Having clear consequences and consistency
Results both positive and negative can be used to both reinforce positive behaviors and extinguish negative behaviors. Parents should take note of when children are trying their best or engaging in practices that are respectful of self and others, following directions, and being good to others by rewarding positive behaviors which should not include monetary rewards but rewards that will encourage continued positive behaviors. In comparison, when a child misbehaves decreasing play time, removing movie night, etc.
3. Staying calm, cool, and collected at times of chaos and turmoil
Staying calm is both an essential as well as important part of parenting. Children learn how to negotiate the challenges of life by mirroring some of the ways in which their parents have handled the same or similar issues in the past. Children learn how to respond to undesirable situations and outcomes by tapping into what is familiar to them, i.e., if they see parents handle problems calming, and non-explosive they are more inclined to tackle problems in a similar way. However, if a child witnesses his or her parents respond to a particular problem or situation in a manner that is confusing, scary, or aggressive is more likely to become ingrained. Parents can inadvertently convey a message of intolerance, or lack of acceptance for the child when they want to send a message of loving the child not the behavior.
Vanessa Whalen, LSCSW. Psychotherapist and Co-Founder Snappy Kids, LLC
1. Be consistent.
Kids need predictability and reliability, which means keeping a routine and schedule, but which also means being consistent in your language and temperament, and in the way you approach your children. Kids test limits to make sure they’re still in place and to know that they (kids) are safe and secure.
2. Validate the feeling and set the limit.
As in I can see you’re really angry, but it’s not okay to hit your sister. When you choose to hit your sister, you choose to give up your tablet for the afternoon.
3. Be present.
Look your children in the eye when you are talking or listening to them. Put down whatever may distract you and give them your undivided attention. If you are playing a game with them, for example, only play the game and be all in.
Carrie Krawiec. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Birmingham Maple Clinic in Troy, MI and Executive Director of Michigan Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
I think the best parenting techniques come from the empirically validated model PMT-O, which stands for Parent Management Training Oregon.
1. Shine the light on what you want to grow.
It helps parents from focusing on what your child is doing right versus wrong and is a set up for the next to pointers.
2. Give Good Directions.
Parents can improve behavior by being precise, polite, firm, telling your child what to do instead of what not to do, avoid questions, avoid sarcasm. Just make a simple statement. Avoid yelling or harsh body language by getting your child’s attention with a gentle touch, proximity, and eye contact. Luke put on your shoes now, please would be an example. Stand and hold your position until your child moves and then follow through with encouragement. It may feel slower than shouting from the kitchen or driving by giving rapid-fire directions but as your kid starts to follow they can and will be getting directions done within 10 seconds
3. The 5:1 ratio.
There should be five opportunities to encourage your child for each one criticism or limit. If you are finding yourself yelling more or giving more punishments, then consider breaking tasks into smaller pieces or set lower expectations or privileges until your child reaches a goal. Consider your parent-child relation like a bank account. Encouragement and positive feedback like thumbs up, high five, thank you’d are deposits where limits and consequences are withdrawals.
Cara Maksimow, LCSW, CPC, Clinical Therapist, Coach, Presenter & Author of the book “Lose That Mommy Guilt, Tales, and Tips from an Imperfect Mom.”and owner of Maximize Wellness Counseling & Coaching LLC
You are going to hear many different concrete parenting skills from people, such as speaking at eye level with your kids, using natural consequences and not punishment and reward systems. I want to mention three skills essential for parents that may not be discussed:
1. Essential Parenting Skills – Mindfulness
As parents our patience is tested all the time. Being able to bring a sense of patience and awareness to situations can make all the difference between “reacting” to our kids and “responding” to them. Being able to be self-aware and able to stop and pause before responding can help us make better choices in parenting.
2. Essential Parenting Skills – Forgiveness
This is about not only forgiving other people but also ourselves. Recognizing that we are all human and that making mistakes is part of life. Being forgiving with your children can help them increase their self-compassion as they grow up. For ourselves, we also need to let go of the idea that things need to be perfect and forgive ourselves for mistakes we make in parenting. If you blow up unnecessarily at your children and feel guilty, tell them you are sorry. Teach forgiveness by modeling it and asking for it. Set an example you want to see.
Don’t force your children to apologize because they will not fully learn and the apology most likely will not be sincere. Teach them by modeling behaviors by apologizing to them when appropriate. Not only showing them forgiveness but also teaches them compassion.
3. Essential Parenting Skills – Self-Care
Most of us are working and parenting and often taking on other responsibilities. We put our families and our jobs first. We put ourselves last. If we take a time to do something for us, it can be seen as selfish or inappropriate. A skill that is important for parents is to take care of their needs as well as everyone else. Take time to exercise, read a book, go out with friends, meditate or do whatever you need to do to take care of your health and happiness as well as care for everyone else. When parents learn to have a healthy balance of caring for themselves and others, they are better able to parent. It teaches children that self-care is important, and kids grow up with a valuable lesson as well.
Jesse McCarthy, jemslife.com. An expert in child development and parent guidance. Have published articles and given talks on parenting skills across the country.
Here are the top 3 proven parenting skills, from my experience with thousands of children and parents:
1. Treat your child as if she is fully capable of becoming independent (vs. babying him).
Reason: kids are always striving to be more independent, and eventually they can be. But when we treat them like they are needy of us then they will in all likelihood become dependent instead. It’s critical to find out activities your child can do without your help. Of course, offering one’s love and care and aid is incredibly important, but often such love and attention and support can come in the form of stepping back and allowing your child to do it himself.
2. Model proper speech and behavior (vs. preaching it).
Reason: children naturally absorb and imitate what we say and do. For a simple example, if you curse at home around your 5-year-old daughter, she will in all likelihood curse at school among her kindergarten peers. Often children do what mom or dad do because they want to be a grownup. When you model proper speech and behavior, your child will more likely speak well and do well. (Note that if you tell children how to speak or behave, instead of modeling, they often will come to do the exact opposite of what you say. No one, young or old, likes to be told what to say or do.)
3. Make clear and natural consequences for disrespect, and then calmly and consistently follow through on them.
Reason: children absorb our rules flawlessly, and that includes when we don’t know them ourselves. Problems with misbehavior often result from parents sending mixed signals. As just one real-world example, if a child throws his food at the dinner table (after an age where throwing food is developmentally natural), a parent might yell at the child and then just clean up the mess herself and give the child more food.
It teaches the child that he can continue the behavior, no problem. Instead, a parent could say this to her son or daughter: We don’t throw food at the dinner table. Now we have to clean it up. I’ll help you. And unfortunately, there’s no more food to eat for tonight. After a few times of this response from mom or dad — maybe even after one time — the child will learn not to throw food at the dinner table.
Naphtali Roberts is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. helpforyourfamily.com
As a Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in working with children, teens and their parents I have the opportunity daily to see the impact of effective and ineffective parenting.
1. Seeing the David inside of the marble.
Parents who can picture the long term goals of parenting as opposed to getting caught in a cycle of control or order will make different parenting choices. If a parent views their purpose as helping to shape a respectful, kind, tenacious and creative individual it will allow the parent to choose their battles and not focus so much on the short term frustrations, but instead parent from a focus on affirmation and not elimination.
2. Be consistent. No matter what!
In general consistency in parenting is one of the key predictors of successful parenting. A parent who consistently sets calm and nonreactive boundaries will over time see that their children will react positively. It is proven that consistent parenting not only impacts brain development but support children and teens develop an internal sense of safety and ability to succeed and master the daily challenges of their everyday life.
3. Have fun with your kids.
Children and teens who have parents who can stop the riggers of daily life and playfully interact with them have been shown to develop an internalized positive view of themselves as not just an individual programmed to complete and accomplish. An internalized view of self as a whole person and not just a student or child in the long term supports the development of a whole person child. Whole person children, in general, have been shown to have less long term behavioral issues and display the ability to succeed not only academically, but within interpersonal relationships throughout their lifetime.
Darby Fox, Child & Adolescent Family Therapist, has provided the below essential parenting skills. Darby’s website is www.darbyFox.Com
1. Capacity to teach.
One of the most important skills is to teach your children both through example and by letting them solve their problems with you close-by. Teaching them how to advocate for themselves and try on their own is a skill that is not seen as often in parenting as it should. Too often parents view their job as one of control and authority.
It is essential that you can communicate with your child in a respectful nurturing manner. Understanding your child’s personality and how to communicate and engage them is critical. This builds strong relationships and strongly grounded children. It is not to be confused with permissiveness or weak boundaries. Communication is key in all relationships, and a parent must be able to have individual relationships with each child to communicate.
Parents must commit to hanging in when problems arise, or it isn’t easy. Parents need to commit to sticking with a clear set of standards and morals. They must commit to being present for a complicated job that lasts for years!
Stacy Haynes, Ed.D, LPC, ACS. CEO, Counseling Psychologist, Parenting Expert, Author and Radio Host www.Parentingtips2go.Com
Three Proven Skills for successful parenting are listed below
1. Prevention- being prepared for situations, knowing what to expect and being able to anticipate your children’s needs.
2. Routine- children thrive best in structure and method. Parents should have scheduled for even downtime; that is fun and engaging. Bored kids end up in trouble.
3. Praise- we can reward our children with praise and change their behaviors faster with praise than with punishment. Safe driver plans nationwide have figured this out. We should look like parents.
Elisabeth Stitt. Joyful Parenting Coaching at www.elisabethstitt.com
Parenting Skills: Top Three Parenting Skills
1. Be empathetic. Acknowledge children’s feelings and help give them an emotional vocabulary for what they are experiencing.
2. Have clear expectations and hold to them firmly.
3. Engage your child in critical thinking and problem solving by getting on the same side as the child: Both of you should look at the problem together.
Nancy Shah, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. www.drnancyshah.com
As a Psychologist with a background in mindfulness, trauma work and working with adults suffering from attachment disorders of all kinds, I believe that these are the top 3 most essential parenting skills.
2. Self Care
Theory of attachment is the basis of the above. I believe that only when parents connected with themselves (through mindfulness and self-care) and with the moment (through mindfulness and curiosity) can they connect with their children. By focusing on improving their connections with first themselves and then their children, they can form the healthy, secure attachments that have demonstrated mental health benefits for their children both now and in their adult life.