Continuing on the subject of essential parenting skills, this is the continuation of Part 1. Please click on your favorite expert’s name to go straight into their opinion about the topic.
Julie Burton has written about, researched and interviewed thousands of moms about parenting over the past 20 years. The following are the top three proven essential parenting skills:
1. Lead with love.
Sounds simple, right? Well, it is, and it isn’t. Love is about sharing your heart with another person. Loving your child is about opening your heart. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and caring toward her or him even when you don’t always receive this kind of love from her or him. Parents who understand this entire love parenting paradigm from the get go will be happier and more satisfied parents. Parents need to love their children unconditionally to set the essential foundation for their children to feel secure in this world and within their relationships.
But parents cannot expect that same kind of love and acceptance in return. Parents, as adults, need to foster their unconditional love and support from within themselves, and their relationships with their partner, friends, and other family members. Active parents understand that while they can expect their children to be respectful, compassionate, and caring for them, it is not their children’s job fill them up.
2. Secure your boundaries.
Many moms, of the nearly 400 I interviewed for my book admitted to taking on way too many of their children’s emotions to try to save them from having to feel sad, disappointed, defeated, or rejected-emotions that all human beings will encounter at some point in their lives and will need to know how to process. Not only is this pattern unhealthy for parents, but if parents continue to try to make it all better for their children, how will children learn to self-soothe and deal with negative emotions? It takes insight and a keen awareness of boundaries to determine how much to get involved your children’s lives, when to back off, and when to push them. Knowing where to draw the line between your children’s emotions and your own is an essential skill for parents, and directly impacts the well-being of the children.
The clinical term for having difficulty separating one’s self from another is enmeshment, and it can easily happen in parenting. According to Dr. Margaret Paul, co-author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?, Enmeshed Parenting describes a style of parenting that can cause problems in your child’s successful development of their personality, ethics, and values.
3. There are some signs and symptoms to look out for to determine if you may be an enmeshed parent.
Your happiness or pain is defined solely by your children. Your children’s behavior and successful or unsuccessful achievements determine your worth. Your children are the center of your life-your sole purpose in life. You are invasive-you need to know everything about what your children think and do. Your focus is on taking utmost care of your kids, rather than also taking care of yourself.
Julia Cook, children’s author and parenting expert. www.juliacookonline.com
Children’s author Julia Cook is a parenting expert and former counselor. Published by the CDC, Boys Town Press and the National Center for Youth Issues, she has written over sixty books dealing with issues such as anxiety, anger management, video game addition, even Boogers.
1) Essential Parenting Skills – Set Boundaries.
Set and maintain predictable, age appropriate boundaries (emotional, physiological, and physical ) for your child and establish predictable consequences when boundaries get violated. Learning is propelled through cause and effect, and YOU are your child’s cause and effect instructor.
2) Be your child’s parent, not his/her peer.
As a parent, you have two roles: functional (brush your teeth, comb your hair, wear a coat, get your homework turned in, etc. and emotional (unconditional positive regard emotional support, and love for your child.). As your baby grows up, your functional role will dissipate ( I don’t have to remind my 24-year-old to brush her teeth, etc. ) but the emotional role will continue throughout life. Becoming your child’s peer competes directly with your functional role .i.e. You can’t act like your teenager’s friend one day and them effectively tell them how to dress the next.
3) Essential Parenting Skills – Develop trust and communication.
Human relationships depend on two factors: trust and communication. If you can establish ongoing and ever-evolving levels of confidence and communication with your child, you will be able to maintain a healthy relationship for life.
Victoria Marin. Co-Founder, Adirondack Learning Academy
As Co-Founder of Adirondack Learning Academy, I experience children from varying backgrounds and socio-economic levels on a daily basis. The one constant factor I see is that children absorb and crave respect from not only their parents but from those they view as authority figures.
Children need support and constructive feedback. They want to learn from their mistakes, not to criticize with harsh and negative comments. The children I have mentored respond to being challenged to think.
There is a difference between being a friend to your child and showing them respect. There should be boundaries in the parent/child relationship, however, appreciate their individuality and uniqueness. Understand that each child is different and accept them for their differences.
Amy Webb a mom, blogger, and child development writer. I have a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Sciences and write at the blog The Thoughtful Parent.
Top 3 Essential Parenting Skills:
1. Authoritative parenting
Many articles you see in the media discuss the positive influence of “sensitive parenting” on children’s development. Sensitive parenting is considered to be the gold standard on how to interact with your child to promote their optimum maturation process.
Now this is not to say that an authoritative parenting path is straightforward. As is often the case, the middle approach between two extreme ends of a spectrum is the most difficult. Sometimes it may seem easier to give up and just let your child do whatever they like or insist on blind obedience. As we have seen with research, however, by sticking with authoritative parenting, your kids will ultimately reap the greatest benefits.
2. Essential Parenting Skills – Responsiveness
A close, mutually responsive relationship between parent and child helps the child develop self-regulation, patience, and deliberation. In the long run, this leads to better behavior and a
situation in which harsh discipline is not an option.
3. Essential Parenting Skills – Consistency
Parents who consistently respond to their children are more likely to have children that have secure attachment. Even infants with a difficult temperament or who cry a lot develop better in the context of a consist parenting environment.
Dr. Marcie, a behavior specialist with over 15 years, experience working privately with families across NYC. www.BehaviorAndBeyond.net.
Here are Dr. Marcie’s Top 3 Proven Essential Parenting Skills
1. Clarity in language. Take Mean what you say and say what you mean to heart
2. Focus on action-based steps. These will leave an impact on your children
3. Use a realistic and positive perspective. All behavior can change, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment.